As I sit here in bed and write, with my Mabel by my side, I have an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Though gratitude is filled with so much joy, I sit here with tears streaming down my face and a dog that continuously gives me an annoyed glance each time I sniffle as she tries to sleep.

Less than a year ago, I found myself in a place I would never choose to go back to. A place where at the time, I didn’t even really realize how damaged I was. To this day, I am still finding places where I didn’t realize I was/ am hurting. The Lord has continued to reveal these things to me as I go on, but this past month has truly been a time where I have been able to see how far I have actually come.

Well, actually how far He has brought me.

This month, the Odell family took a different type of family vacation than we ever have before. We took a road trip to Utah and Colorado. Which first of all, if you know my family, you know we are a bunch of planners and we LOVE our routines. So to take a big trip like this, to somewhere completely new and for a whole week, is actually insane for us.

We hiked, we saw so many incredible views and sceneries, but more than anything, the thing I noticed most was the glory of the Lord just pouring out in everything we looked at. The mountains, the arches, the beauty of His creation was just simply astounding. The Lord was kind enough to let me make it to Utah and Colorado to be able to see this, to be able to see more of His creation, to be able to see more of Him.

While we were in Utah and Colorado, I thought a lot about how many times in the Bible, just in order to speak with God, men had to climb to the top of mountains, just like the ones I was looking at. The magnitude of these mountains were insane and the Odell family was barely making it on some of these hikes, so just to think that men climbed to the very top of mountains to speak to the Lord was insane to me.

Because now, by the Holy Spirit, I, a woman, am able to speak to God at any moment from any where. Is that not just an incredible gift from the Lord? Less than a year ago, I could barely get myself out of bed each day, and to think He met me right where I was then and He still meets me where I am now. No miles of hiking needed! And just by the Lord speaking and meeting me where I was those months ago, I wouldn’t see where He has been so generous to me now. I wouldn’t see His glory in the story that He has prepared before me.

So after this trip, I have found myself in a state of gratitude. Where I can’t help but just thank Him for all of these things that I never deserved, but that He just graciously gave me. He has been more than kind to me. That is exactly why I can’t help but sit here and bawl my eyes out, because I can’t believe that my Father in Heaven has blessed me & trusted me with so many things I don’t deserve.

A sister who gives the best surprises. A family that sits and rewatches old family videos that fill the whole room with laughter. Friends to check in on & also check in on me. Grandparents to sit and have lunch with. An aunt and uncle to play pickleball with. A body that genuinely feels better than it has in months. Good new food to try. Friends and family to play board games with. A boyfriend that is just so very patient and kind to me. A church family that continuously shows love to me. I am a bit overwhelmed by these things; hence the tears once again.

The girl that began this blog months ago would genuinely never believe where she is now. She is smiling everyday, she is healthier, she is still seeking the Lord, but she knows Him better than she ever has before and she can’t wait to continue to see Him more.

My mother has said numerous times this week that she sees that little spark in me that left so long ago back again. She says she knows it because I am “constantly singing, but [she] loves it.” And not even a quiet singing, they’re actually just full on musical productions in my living room or kitchen. But like I said, I have felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude towards the Lord & my body’s natural response is to praise. I didn’t even realize I had been singing so much & truthfully, so loudly (might need to quiet down a bit, sorry mom & dad!)

But He has been more than faithful & for that I am eternally grateful.