It’s been a while since I’ve written, though I wish it was more, but I simply haven’t had much to say lately. Life has been pretty good, but still hard. I have let go of a lot of the things that were troubling me for quite some time. Even if it is painful to let go, I am slowly getting better. I’m finally learning that there is so much more good out in this world, even when it all feels so bleak at times.

Life has seemed a bit repetitive lately and since I haven’t seen any major life changes happening, it’s led me to think that God hasn’t been around as much. I’ve been trying to trust that He still has a plan for my life, even if I have no clue where I’m going. Every once in a while I will get another reminder of the Truth that He has constantly been reminding me of the past few months. Though some of these reminders meant something completely different to me at the beginning of this struggle than they do now, its so comforting to see that God has been reminding me of these things long before the issues even began.

When my life got thrown off of the course I had planned for myself a few months ago, I fell into a really dark space mentally, I prayed and prayed and prayed that God would deliver me from that dark space and lead me into His Truth and His Life. During this time, I really was at a loss as to what I should read in scripture, because I really wanted to read, but I truly just needed so much comfort from the Lord that I found myself just rereading certain Psalms over and over again. I specifically began to read Psalm 23, which is a psalm I know to be loved by many; But especially by me now.

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.”

– Psalm 23:1-3

This specific section of Psalm 23 was something I prayed a lot over. I have been so caught up in wondering if I have been doing the right thing at all in my life. I’ve been questioning whether or not I’m in the right education pathway, taking the right opportunities to work, and quite frankly just been questioning myself about who I am as an individual; I’ve been trying to figure out whether or not anything I have been doing is correct, and I have been praying to God to show me a sign that I am doing the right thing by just continuing the same routine, but branching out and trying new things occasionally. While praying if these things were right or not, I’ve really been praying to God to show me a sign if I am doing the right thing. More specifically I asked Him to show me where He is leading me “beside still waters.”

I have practically been begging God to show me some sort of body of water whether while I’m out doing something or on my way to an event, just so I could know that He was leading me beside still waters and that I was doing what He wanted me to do. For weeks, I have been searching for some sort of body of water to just appear before me. A lake, a pond, a river, I truly don’t know what I was looking for other than water in some sort of fashion.

Like I said before, I have started attending a church nearby and also babysitting somewhere near to that same church, so each week, atleast twice a week I have been making the same drive and desperately searching for this body of water that God would put before me at some point. I hate to say it, but I truly started to lose hope that God would tell me if I was doing anything right, because all that I was surrounded by were a few open fields and some buildings.

But on my most recent drive to babysit, it was 7:45 am, and I looked out my driver side window, and see the most beautiful farm. I’ve seen it multiple times at this point, because like I said, I make this drive a few times a week and I’ve been going for about 2 months now. I always passed this farm and admired how beautiful it looked but hardly took the time to read the name of the farm, but a few days ago, I finally did.

Still Waters Farm.

And here I was searching for a body of water for months, but He was telling me the whole time that His hand was all over my life. So who am I to doubt Him?