To lead this off, I’d just like to say thank you for reading this. Writing is something I have been extremely private about for a few years now, I mostly started doing it for my own sake and sanity. But through sharing bits and pieces of it, I’ve seen the goodness of God in more ways than one. God has been telling me for a few months now to share these pieces of my life that I’ve so desperately tried to hide, but I pray this finds someone’s heart that needs to hear it.

Do you ever just sit in front of mirror and nit-pick every little detail of your face? I started a habit of that in middle school when I first started to notice my friends wearing makeup and I wanted to be just like them— So cool! So fun! So adult! I’ve always struggled with wanting to know how others perceive me. I’ve always wanted to be that good Christian girl, that girl that just has a different “glow” about her. Now if you know me, you know I am 100% a skincare girl. I love researching the different new products that can be healthy and safe for your skin, because I have always wanted to have that perfect complexion that everyone else wants. But with that has come a lot of time of just me sitting in front of the mirror, hating the way I see myself. Now on top of that, there’s been some time in my life recently that has left me feeling hopeless, heartbroken and just in a general state of feeling less than. I was rejected, do I even matter? It seems as if they have already forgotten I exist, did I ever matter? Maybe if I had not been put on that medication and never had gained all that weight, would they have stayed? Was I ever beautiful or was that just another lie? Will love ever find me again?

But this morning, Christ showed me a different way of perceiving myself. It had been about an hour into my day of just me staring into my own eyes in the mirror and I had finally gotten tired of looking. So I did what any college student would have done; Gone to my phone. I began scrolling in my camera roll of some old pictures, getting a bit sad and missing the ways that life used to be, but then he brought up these pictures of my family. My grandparents (both sets), my aunt and uncle, my parents and my sister. I teared up a bit, because I began to remember the moments I shared with them. God reminded me of the gifts of love I have been able to witness.

The hugs from behind the back that my aunt gives my uncle. The gentle hand my grandfather gives my grandmother when they sit and pray together or even just walk around together. Sitting together around a table over a meal, doesn’t matter if it’s store-bought, all that mattered was that we were together. My father and mother laughing and joking around a board game with me. My sister, who sat with me for countless hours, while I just sobbed and poured out every thought. My roommate, who personally designed and printed images of my favorite scripture for me to hang on my walls, after I had to take down a lot of my decorations. A neighbor, just simply coming to watch a movie with me to take my mind off of life. Love is everywhere. Love isn’t of this earth. Love has already found me again; I just didn’t realize that He never left.

At this point, you’re probably wondering why I told you about the habit of me staring at myself in the mirror. Christ showed me that within my complexion, I can see every aspect of love. Yes, my face may not always look perfect or how I want it to. But it is a collection of all the people that have shown me love. I’m told all the time I look just like my Mona when she was my age. I’m told I look just like my daddy but with my mom’s smile. I’m told I have my Papa’s eyes. My complexion is a collection of all the generations of love before me. How can I hate that? How can I doubt that God doesn’t love me or that love will never find me again? Love is right in front of me— Literally in the mirror!

We were created in His image. Love is in us and love will never leave us, because Jesus is love. Jesus is Christ and Christ is within us!

Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus for love, Your love. That You have so freely given us. We don’t deserve it, but You have shown mercy in Your patience.

”Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7