hi, it’s been a little while.

I have still been writing, just not been sharing them as frequently as I feel I should. I’ve been living in a lot of fear; Fear of man, fear of the future, fear of just simply myself at times.

Though fear has been quite present, I will say, life has been just so sweet. The people I have around me, the people that I don’t get to talk to as frequently but still know they are near (hi family, I miss you all & I know you’re reading every word I write), the teaching placement that is more than wonderful, and just so many of my favorite things all at once. In many ways, I see all the things I have been graciously given by the Lord and I just don’t know what I should do about these things. I know I don’t deserve them in any way possible, and I think I have begun to get to a point where I am frustrated that I can’t make myself feel as if I deserve them. I am grateful for them, but I feel unworthy and as if I should not have them, because I know I don’t deserve them.

So what do I do? Lord, how do I go about fixing this problem inside me? I do not want to grow arrogant or selfish, but I also am struggling to find any vision of my own self worth. This genuinely has been my question to the Lord for a while now. How can I see myself from His lens without becoming too full of myself. I have a fear that if I begin to try and see myself differently, that I will begin to focus on myself more than my Father in Heaven.

I will refer back to the same thing I seem to always come back to: The Truth in His Word.

So where do I even start? I guess I can begin with what I desire to be because I have seen it in God’s word and I know that’s also how He wants me to be.

“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” – Ephesians 4:1-3

I want to walk in humility, gentleness, patience, love and peace. In Ephesians Paul tells the Ephesians that we are ti have unity in the body of Christ. Without us individually seeking these things, we are unable to be one body. Keep in mind, Paul is a literal prisoner and he’s writing these truths into letters to bring hope to a people. He knew His purpose, to share the wisdom of Christ, and not even a prison could hold Him back from the truths that God placed on his heart.

I found it interesting how he said that by doing these things, it will allow us to “walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called…” I think that sounds pretty similar to what I have been asking the Lord for so long. It is possible for me to be humble before the Lord but also be firm in what I know He says about me.

So this leads me back to where I seem to go each time my brain decides to have a crisis mid-week, every week it seems like: What does God say about me?

“For you formed my inward parts, you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” – Psalm 139: 13-14

We were made intentionally by God. He knew everything I was going to be, all that I am and I that will be. He created me with purpose and for a purpose. I seem to need a reminder of that pretty often. Not only that, but He also intentionally died on a cross for us; with my name in His thoughts, with your name in His thoughts. That’s something that’s so incredibly hard for me to grasp. That the God of Heaven and Earth created me with intention and purpose, but also gave us Jesus that gave His life for my sake? The never-ending love and compassion in the Lord is something I am constantly in awe of.

“For one who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with Him…For the death He died He died to sin, once for all, but the life He lives He lives to God. So you must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.” Romans 6: 7-8, 10

He says we are dead to sin. He has redeemed & made us alive in Jesus because we have put our trust in Him. I know this to be true, I think I just need to release more trust to Him in this current stage of my life- not only in this stage, but with the rest of my life.

“Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells within you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.” 1 Corinthians 3:16-17

First of all, I tend to forget that I literally have the Holy Spirit within me. Which, quite frankly, is something thats pretty silly to forget considering all of the power that it holds. Then, to be called a temple of God is just something that is insane to me. God sees me as a temple unto Him? The Almighty God sees me as something that is Holy? Now this is Paul writing to the Corinthians, but this still applies, God sees us as a temple to Him, therefore we must honor ourselves in accordance to how His temples ought to be treated.

The Lord is more than kind to call us these things, which there are many other things He says about us- but right now for me, I think that’s what He wanted me to remember.

I will leave with this, I began by talking about all the fear I have been weighted down by, but the Lord put Isaiah 43:1-2 directly in my path today to make sure I know what He says about fear.

“But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” Isaiah 43:1-2

I don’t think the Lord could have placed a better piece of scripture in front of me to summarize all that He has been teaching me. He created me with intention, He has redeemed me from my sin, He knows my name and He is always with me through every single moment of every single day. This is where my faith and my trust go; My God who graciously gave me more than I could ever deserve, but also my God who has offered an identity that I can love, because He has already loved me first and I trust in what He says about me.