To anyone that has ever known me, you know that I am a worrier. I have never stopped worrying for as long as I remember and it was always about every little thing possible.

“What do they think of me?” “What do I need to change about myself to be better?” “Will it get better soon?” “Will I be able to calm down and rest?”

A slower pace is where the Lord has called me to be in this stage of life, but not necessarily physically, but more mentally. Yes, a lot of things in life are moving very quickly for me right now; back home for the summer, job searching, new relationships, and new experiences. I can’t say I haven’t worried at all, but I can say I have never felt more unexplainable peace than I have ever felt within the last few months.

Growing up I could go to sleepovers, until it was actually time to go to sleep, same thing with many trips, I would be perfectly fine until I actually had to go to sleep and then my mind would never stop racing and it would lead to panic and many, many tears. More recently, the Lord has been pushing me to my limits a bit with traveling (and there will be more to come later this summer). He called me to a mission trip, not anywhere crazy, though it was a big deal for me, just an hour and half away from home. I managed to sleep in a room for 4 nights with 3 girls I did not know, in a town I did not know. Which to many people, this probably seems a bit silly, but a year ago, I wouldn’t have had the courage to do that.

The first night on the mission trip, I will say was rough, I think I slept a total of 45 minutes, BUT what I can say is that it was not a night full of panic and tears, but it was a night of prayer. Which was something, I had experienced at home, but never at a place that was extremely uncomfortable for me to be in. The next few days after that, I slept great, partially because of how hard we had worked, but also because I felt so much peace each night that I couldn’t even explain. Including the days following the trip, I have slept better than I have in years, which is crazy for me to say, as before and during this trip, I truly was expecting to panic at some point, but He saved me from my own mind.

Prayer has always been apart of my life for as long as I can remember, because I had my family that led me to prayer in times of panic. My Mona, who faithfully would repeat the same prayer with Caroline and I before we would sleep each time we had a sleepover at their house, definitely knowing that probably 40 minutes later, I would be knocking on her door with tears in my eyes, begging her to let me stay with her. My mom, who did the same. My Nana who also had to do the same. And weirdly enough, my second grade teacher, who’s daughter I was friends with, also had to do the same when I spent the night with them.

The silence of the house and the stillness used to scare me, but now I see it as an invitation for Christ to speak or just to be present with Him. Constant sound, music, videos, TV, podcasts, literally anything to fill silence can hinder us from a moment of hearing God’s voice. I’m not saying we should never watch videos, listen to music or podcasts, but I have found so much more peace in the silence. While the silence was not automatically peaceful, this truly has been a long journey for me, I am here to say that He is going to answer prayers that you prayed almost ten years ago. He doesn’t forget about them. He just does things in His own timing.

Christ makes us learn things in His timing, because He knows what good can come from learning discipline. I still struggle to sit in silence on certain days, but it is a discipline He has been teaching me in order to be able to hear Him clearer. The uncomfortable is not always going to be fun, but you will get some fun out of it if you stick through it with Christ in mind. I had one of the best weeks of my college career on my River of Life Mission trip. I made some sweet new friends, had Christ-centered conversations, roofed some houses, laughed, cried, and worshipped.

And no, I truly didn’t think it would take 21 years for me to actually be able to have a sleepover with people I didn’t know, I thought I would’ve grown out of it by middle school, but His timing was better than mine. He knew it was something I had to learn, He didn’t push me past what I could bear until He knew I was ready. Though my anxiety is not necessarily a temptation, it is something I can and have tried to withhold from God, something I can choose to hold onto rather than let Him take it from me. He knew I would be ready to give Him it all at this stage in my life and for that I am eternally grateful for His patience with me.

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.” 1 Corinthians 10:13

He led me to a place of like-minded community, who love the Lord, who love me for me and to a whole bunch of joyful fun. I think I’d trade any middle school girl sleepover for a night with Christ in the middle of a town I hardly know, any day.

Now I can say when I feel that pit in my stomach called anxiety pop up, my first instinct is to pray (most of the time now, but I’m far from perfect in this). When I fix my eyes on Him, I can’t seem to look away long enough to remember what I was worrying about in the first place. He “waited” to teach me this over time, because he knows how much this answered prayer can serve me in the future. Contending in prayer is a life-skill and it leads to so much more interconnectedness with the Father. I know He’s guiding me through this season of new and exciting things. He is good, He is faithful, He is kind, He is patient and He is the Prince of Peace.

As evidence that prayers do get answered nearly ten years later. I found an old prayer journal from 2016. The date was marked as 6/2/16, in case you can’t read my messy handwriting as a middle schooler. And the note reads, “Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for rest. Please let me sleep good and only have good dreams. Thank you for home. Please help me to pray instead of worry. Amen.”

“…weeping my stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” Psalms 30:5

He’s taught me to pray instead of worry. Thank you, Jesus.

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12